My Feelings Under a Microscope
Since childhood, I’ve always felt the pressure to be emotionally more mature for my age and to be able to handle my emotions well. Political events surrounding my country and the way I was raised to handle my feelings have played a big part in shaping me into a very self-aware and self-reflective person. With all that comes overthinking, which is not easy to deal with as a very sensitive and guarded person who doesn’t express her feelings and emotions freely, and struggles to be vulnerable with others. I have always believed myself to be an emotionally strong and stable person, but this year I found myself completely lost, unimaginably hurt, and unable to fully confide in anyone around me. It was a completely new experience that left me entangled in a web of a hundred opposing emotions, but I found escape and relief in art.
For this show, I’m putting My Feelings Under a Microscope. The work is an exploration of my feelings and emotions, the chaos in my head, the confusion, and the constant inner battle that I’ve been experiencing for the past months. In these artworks, I’m utilizing art as a tool of expression of my inner world. Where I find language having limitations, I see art coming to the rescue. Through color and shape, I aim to establish a visual vocabulary to communicate the feelings that words are unable to describe. I’m inviting you to observe my feelings under a microscope, handing you a magnifying glass to look at the tiny particles that make up my vast inner world. This project is a glance into parts of me that I fence from the rest of the world, but now choose to share through art. I’m inspecting my feelings in an effort to materialize these intangible entities and make them visible.
This is my way of being vulnerable, the way of showing what I struggle to put into words. I speak with my brushstrokes, confide in the canvas, and leave it all out in the open for the world to see. Somewhere in the unconscious, it brings me comfort to know that I’ve shared it, even with limited access, and that I’m no longer the only one burdened by it. The act of observing these works becomes an exchange between the most hidden parts of me and you, the viewer, gazing through me. It’s a conversation where I create, you absorb, and the art translates.
Two rectangular paintings on canvas focus on very intense emotions felt through specific periods of time during the past few months. A circular piece on a wooden panel aims to explore the vastness of my inner world through tentacle-like shapes and deals with a mix of emotions and feelings flowing through at the same time. Four smaller rectangular pieces consist of stained construction paper mounted on the back of plexiglass. At first, the marks and shapes on top of plexiglass are dictated by the stains formed on the stained paper, but throughout the process they start to exceed them. Finally, a vertical row of circles presents microscopic images of my tears that reaches another level of intimacy in the exhibition by showing actual tiny particles that make up my tears.
(The show includes a short optional meditative activity that invites you to step into the shoes of a creator, communicate your emotions through marks and put them up on the wall for others to see.)